Eternity: Full Circle

It’s been days since I’ve been out of my room. I’ve been laying in bed unable to move, as the pains in my stomach grew stronger. I kept thinking back to that night when I took the pregnancy test. Pregnant. I was carrying life inside my body. Ever since Sierra died, I hadn’t thought about being a mother again. I couldn’t bare the pain. I didn’t want to take a chance on my heart being stripped from me again. I continued to gaze up at the ceiling, lost in my thoughts. I started to feel nauseous again, so I jumped up and ran to the bathroom. I leaned over the toilet as I regurgitated for the fourth time today. I flushed the toilet as I got up. I reached for the tissue and wiped my mouth. I threw it away as I reached for my toothbrush to brush my teeth. This had become a daily routine for the past three days. I was craving my forbidden fruit, as I needed to be taken away to Eden. When I finished brushing my teeth, I walked over to my red box where I kept it hidden. I opened it and there it was. Two red vials laying right next to each other. Just as I was about to grab them, my door opened. “Hey sweetie. You haven’t been out of this room in days. Are you alright?” she asked. “Yes, I’m fine.” I replied. She stared at me as I glanced down at the floor. I could feel her eyes piercing me. Looking deep inside of me. Trying to find my pain. “Sweetie you look sick. You want me to take you to a doctor?” she asked. “No. I’m fine. I’ll be alright.” I replied. I finally looked up, meeting her gaze. Our eyes locking in on each other. Her stare more powerful than mine. My eyes started to burn as the sting of the gaze filled them with tears. I wiped them away as I turned my back to her. She eased in the room and closed the door. “What’s wrong?” she asked. I sat down in the chair next to the table. I cried silently. My heart sitting in my throat. I cried as I rocked back and forth. She came over and sat down in front of me. I cried harder. She hugged me. She hugged me tight. I rested my head on her shoulders as my tears began to slow. “What’s wrong sweetie?” she asked once more. I lifted my head up and looked at her. “I’m pregnant.” I mumbled. I averted my eyes to the floor again. Not wanting her to see the pain in my eyes. She turned my head to face her. “There’s nothing to be ashamed about sweetie. This is a blessing. God has given you a second chance to get out of this life.” she stated. I looked at her as the tears started to flow again. “I’m not sure I’m ready for a second chance. I’ve been a drug addict since Sierra passed away. Men rape me for sex. Or sometimes they pay for it. I barely go to work. When I do, I spend my money on drugs. This is no life to raise a baby.” I cried. “Sweetie, sometimes the Lord puts a through tests. He’s trying to see how good is your faith in him. How much will you turn to him for help instead of the world. This is your way out. I know you don’t know the child’s father, but sweetie it’s alright. Take this second chance and get out of this life. It’s nothing but a never ending cycle. Most people don’t make it out alive.” she explained. I sat there in the chair, gazing out of the window. Could she be right? Could this be my second chance at having a happy life? Would this really get me out of this cycle that had consumed me? I turned to the woman as she got up. “Where are you going?” I asked. “To pray for you. To ask God to show you the way. To ask God to protect you. To ask God to guide you. This is no life for you sweetie.” she explained. I watched as she eased out of my room and quietly closed the door.

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