It’s been three week since I went to the doctor’s office. My morning sickness was getting better and I was having less headaches. My appetite had picked up, and I could tell my weight did too. I tried to put on my favorite jeans the other day and I could barely get them buttoned. I settled for one of my sun-dresses instead.
Although I am a heavy drug user, you couldn’t tell it. My skin was still flawless. I didn’t use needles so I had no marks. Although, I did have dark marks around my eyes. That was from all the nights I spent crying and barely sleeping. I was so stressed out about this baby. I still wasn’t sure if I wanted to keep it or not. I didn’t want to abort, I’ve never really been a believer in taking a human life. I thought about adoption, but I would always wonder how the baby was doing. Was he/she given to a good home? Would they have a good life? I was just so confused about everything.
I finally rolled out of bed to get ready for the visit with my probation officer. I despised her. She put me in this house full of junkies, prostitutes, and drug dealers. I tried not to get sucked into this life, but it was inevitable. A few years ago, I got locked up for assaulting my neighbor. She was constantly in my business. Always calling the police on me. Whether my music was too loud, or there were too many people at my house. The police was at my house almost every other weekend. One day she was outside walking her dog, I don’t know what came over me, but I went outside and started wailing on her. I bloodied her face, nose, and eyes. She suffered a broken fibula, knee bone, ribs, and a broken arm. She also had a concussion and was unable to use her left arm. The judge sentenced me to three years of probation in a halfway house. This is where I found my eternity and my Eden.
When someone convinced me that I could see Sierra again, it was as simple as that. I would give anything to see her again. Every time I got high, I was able to see her. I was able to touch her. It was just me and her, until my high was over. Then it was back to this miserable reality I lived in. I hated this place. Thank God I only had six months left of my sentence left. I was planning on getting a place of my own, but first I had to get off these drugs. Unfortunately this was easier said than done. Every chance I got to see Sierra, I cherished it. But, I knew this was no way to raise a baby, especially if I was going to keep it.
After I was finished washing my face and brushing my teeth, I went to my closet and pulled out my favorite pink sun-dress. It was knee high and pleated below the waist. It had a belt that tied around the waist and was lace at the top. I loved this dress. It hung on all my curves. I got dressed and pulled my hair back into a ponytail. I checked myself in the mirror once more to make sure I was decent. I put my shoes on, grabbed my keys and headed out the door.
About halfway there, I saw the doctor who performed the ultrasound at my appointment. “Hey there, how are you?” he shouted. “I’m fine, and you?” I replied. “I’m doing good. What are you doing out here?” he said as he walked towards my direction. “I’m on my way to an appointment. How about you?” “I’m just out doing a little window shopping. You look nice today.” “Thank you. Well, I’ll be seeing you. I’m almost late.” I said, while turning the corner. “You want me to give you a lift?” he asked. “No, that’s alright. It’s just around the corner.” “Oh, it’s no problem, I was just about to head that way.” he insisted. I shrugged and followed him to his car. I was a little nervous about getting into cars with men. After what happened to my sister, I wasn’t willing to take chances like that. She was walking home from a party one night, and a cab pulled up to her and asked her if she needed a ride. She was too intoxicated to say no. She got in, and that was the last time anyone heard from her. A few weeks later she was found in a ditch around the corner from the house we lived in. She had been raped and tortured. The coroner said she died a slow and painful death. I was so depressed. My sister was my lifeline. A few weeks later, I got pregnant with Sierra.
When I arrived at my destination, I offered to pay the doctor, but he declined. “Thank you.” “You’re welcome. I’ll wait for you and take you back. Don’t worry it’s fine. I hate to see a pretty young lady walking.” I gave a half-hearted smile and shut the door. I entered the building and checked in with the guard at the front desk. I sat down and waited for my officer to call me back. I looked around the room, noticing all the pamphlets and fliers from various churches and community organizations. I found one in particular that interest me. It was a pamphlet for a rehab center that not only helped you get clean, but they offered job placement. I picked up one and stuck it in my purse just as my probation officer came out. “Eternity Jackson?” she boomed. “Yes, I’m here.” I replied dryly. “Come on back please.” I followed her to a back room, where she made me wait ten minutes longer. When she finally came back, she had a few papers in her hand, along with gloves and lubrication gel. I sighed with annoyance. This meant she was about to search me. She did this every time I came here. I was beginning to think she liked seeing me naked. “Strip search again?” I questioned, as if I didn’t already know. “Don’t play dumb. This isn’t new to you. Take your clothes off and face the wall.” she demanded. I reluctantly did as I was told. I felt her hands violating my body and she entered two fingers inside me. I cringed. She turned me around and patted under my breast. She then put her finger back between my legs, this time massaging my clit. I turned away from her and focused my attention on the floor. “Don’t act like you don’t like it.” she sneered. I hated this woman. I was not attracted to her. When she realized she was not going to get the reaction she wanted, she finally let me put my clothes back on. I sat down, while she rattled off the usual nonsense and handed me some more papers.
When it was time for me to go, she jumped in front of the door. “What are you doing?” I asked, now confused. “I’m not done with you yet.” she sneered. She pushed me back on the table and pulled my underwear down. “Woman get off of me!” I shouted. She pulled out her gun and pointed in my face. “Yell again and I will blow your face off.” Now under normal circumstances I would have fought this woman off, but I couldn’t compete with a gun. I watched as she put her face between my legs and her tongue on my clit. I tried to ignore her, but my body gave in. Her tongue felt good, but I was not impressed. I held my nut. I was not going to give her the satisfaction of making me nut. She enter to fingers inside me and my juice box exploded. I did not let out a moan or noise. When she was finished. I quickly pulled my underwear back up and ran out the door. I hated this place. I vowed that one day, she was going to meet her maker. Raping me in that room. I was going to be the last woman she raped. I meant that.