Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep…..

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I rolled over and stared at the wall. I couldn’t sleep. Tomorrow is my court date, and after the many conversations me and my lawyer had been having, I was so anxious. I was so nervous about what the judge would say. My hands were sweaty and my body was jittery. No matter what I tried, I couldn’t sleep. Thankfully I was in this cell by myself. I’m sure if I had a cellmate, she’d have surely cursed me out by now. I got up out of the bed and paced the floor. I paced so much the bottom of my feet felt swollen. I laid back down on the bed and tried counting sheep. That didn’t work. I turned over on the other side and closed my eyes. I tried to clear my mind and relax my body. It almost worked, until the guard came by to do a head count. “Fuck!” I shouted. “Something wrong inmate?” she asked. “No, I’m just having trouble sleeping. I was almost there until you came by.” I scoffed. “Court date tomorrow?” she asked. I glanced at her “Yea, how’d you know?” She huffed, “Honey, I’ve been a prison guard for almost 15 years. I know anxiety when I see it. What did you do anyway?” “I backed my husband to the edge of the stairs and he fell. They say I pushed him, but I never touched him. I was just tired of his bull and really wanted him to know that.” “Oh, you were married to one of them?” “Yea, one of them.” “Honey, don’t fret. It will be alright. Trust me. While you’re up worrying about all of this, you should be praying. Lay down in that bed and pray to sleep. Trust me it will take whatever you are fretting over away.” “Thank you, I will.” I replied as I laid back down in the bed. Strangely after talking to her, I felt a sense of relief wash over me. It’s been two weeks in here and this is the most I’ve said to anyone in here. Maybe talking to someone is just what I need; however the county jail isn’t the ideal place you go to make friends.

A few hours later, I was awaken by the same guard who helped me go to sleep. “C’mon inmate, time to get up. You have court date to prepare for.” I groggily sat up in the bed. “I could have sworn I just saw you.” I said jokingly. She let out a light chuckle. I stretched once more before grabbing my things and heading to the shower. “If I wasn’t scared of your reaction, I’d hug you. I know it wasn’t much, but the talk we had earlier really helped me to relax. Thank you.” I stated. She gave me a half-hearted smile and motioned for me to go to the shower. A few moments later, I emerged from the stalls. She handed me the another jumpsuit, since the clothes I had come in here with consisted of biker shorts and a cut of T-shirt with Nike tennis shoes, not exactly what you’d consider as court attire. I asked if I could borrow some body spray just for today. She reached in her pocket and handed me a travel sized Bath and Body works bottle. The scent read Cashmere Glow. “Either we were twins in a past life, or you knew this was my favorite scent.” I stated gleefully. She chuckled. “Hurry up and spray that. I’m not supposed to give it to you.” “Oh, I’m sorry. Spraying now.” I replied. I hurriedly dashed on some spray and discreetly handed it back. “You ready?” she asked. I twittled my fingers nervously and knodded. “Let’s go.” I followed her outside to the bus where the rest of the inmates whose court date was today was waiting. I stepped up and climbed in, and she closed the door behind me. She hit on the back of the bus two times letting the driver know he was clear to drive off. On the way to the court house, all sorts of things ran through my mind. My hands got sweaty again. I rubbed them on my pants, and started twittling my fingers. Apparently, unbeknownst to me, my constant fidgeting was bothering the other girls across from me. “Can you be still?” she scoffed. “I’m sorry I wasn’t aware I was bothering anyone.” I retorted. “Well, you are.” she replied. I rolled my eyes and sighed heavily. I glanced out the window. I could feel her eyes tearing through me. I wasn’t concerned, we all had on handcuffs, so it wasn’t much she could do, but stare.

When we arrived at the courthouse, the guards motioned for us to exit the bus. The inmate who had a problem with me twittling my fingers stood up first and stepped on my foot. I winced as the pain shot up my leg. I bent down to massage the pain from my foot. When I looked up she was glaring at me. I smiled. I could tell this angered her even more, because she attempted to turn around, but the guard shoved her forward. “Do you know who that is?” the woman behind me asked. “No, and I’m not interested in finding out either.” I replied dryly. “Girl, that’s Omega. She don’t play.” she warned. I let out a hardy laugh. I laughed so hard, I felt my stomach tightening. “You all are actually scared of her?” “I don’t know what’s so funny? She’s one of the scariest women in here.” “Yea, only for little high school girls like you. I’m a professional wrestler sweetie. I have nothing to worry about. Besides, what’s she going to do in handcuffs?” I replied as I humored her. When it was finally my turn to exit the bus, I stood up and held on to the guard rail so as not to fall while stepping off the bus. I walked down to the front of the line where Omega was standing. I looked forward. Once again, I could feel her eyes piercing into me. While looking forward, I asked “Do you have a problem?” “Yea, you trying to solve it?” she replied. I slowly turned in her direction, and let out a half smile. “Sweetie this ain’t what you want.” I calmly stated. Just as she was about to move closer, the guard walked up the center of the line, “Cool it you two. This is not the time nor the place.” I chuckled lightly.

The guard motioned for us to follow him, and once inside, there was a holding room where all the inmates waited for their cases to be called. I prayed to God that I was first. I wanted nothing more than to hear the judge say you can get out on bail. I wondered if my mother was out there. She hadn’t come to visit me since I’ve been in jail. I wondered if I’d see my boys. I missed them so much. When I called the house once, my oldest son answered the phone. I cried when I heard his voice. I could tell he missed me as well. He begged for me to come home. I tried to reassure him that I would. Truthfully, I was just speaking in the moment. I wasn’t sure if I was coming home or not. To be honest, I wasn’t sure of anything. I glanced around at the clock. It read 10:45. There were only four of us left. My nerves were beyond shot. I had a headache so bad, the room started to move. So far, this judge hadn’t granted bail to anyone. I just knew at that point my chances were shot. I held on to the little glimmer of hope I had as my case was called next. As I entered to the court room, I glanced around to see if my mother had come. She didn’t. For some reason though, I was not bothered by this. I guess all of my attempts to contact her while locked up, kind of put things in perspective for me. I knew my boys wouldn’t be here, because they were currently living with her. Just as my attorney stood up, the court room doors open, and my heart dropped to my stomach. In walked my boys. They slid in the last row, and a single tear fell down my face. “In the case of Leanna Simone Williams, how do you plea?” “Not guilty your honor by reason of emotional abuse.” “How does the state feel on bail?” “Remand your honor.” “My client hasn’t had so much as a traffic ticket. I think remand is a bit absurd. She’s an upstanding citizen who has two wonderfully raised kids going to one of the acclaimed schools there is. Not to mention, she isn’t a flight risk. The police have yet to prove that my client actually pushed her husband down the stairs. I say $50,000 at least your honor. Please take into consideration that my client has lived with a man who tormented her for the duration of their marriage, despite being a good mother and wife. Her husband humiliated her every chance he got. Even in front of the kids.” “Your honor, this is a woman who blatantl pushed her husband down the stairs and then calmly sat there as the police examined the scene.” “Yes, only because she was suffering from dissassociation disorder. Your honor please.” “Very well then, bail is set at $25,000. Next case.” At the sound of that, I almost jumped out of my pants. The Lord had heard my pleas and heard my cries, and he answered all of my prayers. I cried as my boys ran to me and hugged me tightly. My youngest son hugged my attorney, and so did I. “Thank you so much.” “No, thank you. It’s not over though so don’t get too excited. We have a long ways to go.” I knodded, and with that, I went back into the back and prepared to see my boys. Today was the day that the Lord truly hath made.

This was written in response to todays daily post


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